Every congregation has stories. Something happens at a meeting, someone is frustrated by a decision, or a conversation takes place at brunch. We tell someone what happened, and they tell someone else. Before long, the story has traveled – and changed.
Details get lost. Context disappears. Assumptions become facts. Someone’s interpretation becomes “what happened.” A story about what someone did can quickly become a story about what kind of person they are.
I’ve been hearing a lot about stories being shared lately without complete context – and I, too, am not free from the habit of telling stories without having all the context.
Our UU values give us a helpful guide in how to express our confusion and frustrations. Love is at the center, surrounded by Justice, Equity, Transformation, Pluralism, Interdependence, and Generosity. These values ask us to remain open to perspectives different from our own, consider context, and listen deeply.
This is also at the heart of our strategic plan. We aspire to be a congregation of “open-minded, open-hearted people who listen deeply, who seek wisdom in diversity, and who encourage one another without judgment.”
None of this means we shouldn’t talk about difficult experiences. But there is a difference between processing an experience and spreading a story, especially when we don’t have all the information.
So, if something is bothering you, including and especially about me, please bring it to someone who can help. You can contact our Shared Ministry team at sharedministry@pacificunitarian.org, or, if you believe there has been a breach of our covenant, contact the Harmonious Relations Team at harmoniousrelations@pacificunitarian.org. I also encourage you, as you are comfortable, to reach out directly to me by emailing minister@pacificunitarian.org, calling my new Google number, 213-254-5070 – which rings directly to my phone, or make an appointment with me by clicking this link.
When we hear a story about someone else, let’s remember that we are hearing one person’s experience, not necessarily the whole truth. Before passing along another story, I’m going to pause and ask: “Do I know this to be true? Do I know the context? Is there another perspective? Am I sharing this because it will help resolve something – or simply because I’m frustrated? Is there someone I trust with whom I can share this to work toward resolution?”
I encourage all of us to do the same. The stories we tell about one another matter. Let’s tell them with care, humility, and Love.
